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Very often, the woman is given the threat to follow the order of her in-laws. Otherwise, her husband would disown and divorce her. Most of the time, it is the woman who is told to adjust with the in-laws. While the other side isn’t ready to adjust according to her lifestyle in wishes.
Marriages in India, don’t take place between two persons. It actually takes place between two families. Families celebrate marriage and spend a lot of money on it. However, when the female reaches her in-law’s home, she finds everything going exactly opposite what she really thought of!
And while she is looking for support, society addresses her with the following comments,
Adjust or else you would be divorced.
Try and please him and woe him or else you would be divorced
Keep the relationship going from your side or else you would be divorced
Why is it so that only woman has to adjust? It is completely alright if the male partner takes his family’s side on certain matters. However, it is not true that his family is correct all the time. Therefore, it is extremely necessary that the male partner listens to her female counterpart and try to bridge the gap between his life partner and his family.
But, instead of bridging this gap you actually threaten her to divorce her, it will definitely break her! The husband is the only person a woman trusts when she reaches her in-law’s place. Rest all family members have to show her that affection, love, and care which she can return.
However, if they are in a no mood to adjust, then the marriage life wouldn’t be smoother like you thought!
What should her in-laws do to make her feel safe?
Many families don’t consider their daughter-in-law a one among them. If you will treat her as an outsider, she will behave like an outsider for her entire life. In order to make her feel safe, all you have to do is:
1) Treat her and her family members with respect!
Respect is a two-way street. Therefore, it is extremely necessary that the husband and her family member, treat her with respect. Things won’t work out between them if the in-laws are continuously harassing and disrespecting her. No one can take up words against their family members. Thus, it is extremely necessary that the male’s family treat her and her family members with respect.
2) Help her to adjust and adjust to her!
Marriages actually happen between two families. While she is ready to learn the way your family lives. She also has her own inputs to your family. Because she considers your family as her family now. Therefore, in order to have smoother relations between your partner and your family, both of them should understand the views of each other. This will subsequently develop healthy relations between them.
3) Don’t Threat Her! Love is a cure for everything.
If you will keep on threatening her, there will come a point in life when she wouldn’t be afraid of these threats. Instead, it is of utmost necessity that your family provides her with love, affection, and care. It would subsequently result in her developing trust in them. As a result, even she would try to adjust to you and your family members.
Divorcee tag is actually a badge of honor for the woman:
- It signifies that she stood up.
- The tag signifies that she didn’t take disrespect.
- It signifies that she values her life.
- This tag signifies that she is worth the love.
- It signifies that she is her dignity.
- The tag signifies that she is not a doll. Not someone without emotions.
- It signifies that she is alive.
- The divorcee tag signifies that she doesn’t need to be scared of a divorce. She actually has to be scared of not being valued, not being loved.
The woman has to decide it is NOT OK to be not loved, it is not ok to be ignored. Its not ok to do everything to satisfy his and his family’s ego and get nothing in return. She has to decide it is not ok to kill her emotions every day to make this “marriage work”
In the end, all she has to do is, to CHOOSE HERSELF!
Engineer, Poet, Social Worker, Author, Marketer by Profession! A proud son of Mother India.